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Buffalo Bills wide receiver Khalil Shakir considers himself an overthinker, and midway through last season he sensed his mind whirring to a degree that affected his sleep. Shakir sought a way to improve his mental health, and he still doesn’t know where the impulse came from. He decided he would write out those onrushing thoughts before he climbed into bed at night.

“I was like, ‘Screw it; I’ll just put it down on paper,’” Shakir said. “And it worked.”

Shakir had joined the ranks of a large if hidden population: NFL players who journal. In locker rooms across the league, more than a dozen players recently shared their conviction in the benefits of journaling, a habit they use to confront the stress inherent to a profession that invites scrutiny while suppressing sensitivity.

It’s impossible to place a precise number on NFL players who journal, but “it’s definitely more than it seems,” Bills backup quarterback Shane Buechele said. Many players who said they do not keep a journal knew teammates who did, and some expressed either previous or current interest in starting one.

Mental health awareness has grown more entrenched in sports and society, but players said they still sometimes feel more comfortable working through struggles and hopes with the privacy of a journal. Some use an actual pen and paper. Many prefer modern tools on their phones. They use journals to catalogue thoughts, express vulnerability, explore faith, unclutter minds, remember moments, imprint aspirations and cement values.

Timothy T Ludwig

Washington Commanders wide receiver Terry McLaurin began journaling when he started on his “therapy journey” two years ago, he said. “I write down the date, and I just start — whatever comes into my mind.”

At first, he typed takeaways from therapy sessions into a journaling app on his phone. He expanded his journal to include reflections from meetings with Washington’s team chaplain. Now he uses it as an outlet for anything from frustration to reasons for gratitude.

“Everybody has insecurities or things they may be ashamed of or struggle with sharing or they’re working through,” McLaurin said. “Being football players, it reinforces toughness and strength and not showing any kind of weakness. Journaling is a really positive outlet to show strength and weakness. It’s a way to get your thoughts down. If a lot of guys are similar to me, you have hundreds of thoughts going through your mind every single day. A space where you can unapologetically be free is very beneficial.”

Chris Szagola

In his second NFL season, Detroit Lions defensive lineman John Cominsky felt himself spiraling. Then an Atlanta Falcon, he found his tenuous grip on a roster spot led to anxiety and frustration that began affecting his on-field performance. Cominsky listened to teammates who had used journaling to bolster their mental well-being.

“You hear guys all the time talking about journaling, different ways to deal with the stresses that come with the NFL, the stresses of life in general,” said Cominsky, whose sixth year in the league was disrupted by a knee injury. “I was like, ‘I got to get these thoughts straightened out.’ I got into that journal.”

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Cominsky said journaling became a crucial tool in gaining a foothold in the NFL. It became not only an outlet but a source of joy he uses to remember inspirational messages from teammates and coaches. “Dan Campbell says something awesome in a team meeting, I’m going to write that down,” Cominsky said of Detroit’s coach.

Kingsley Jonathan, a defensive lineman on the Bills’ practice squad who keeps a journal, has a theory for why NFL players gravitate toward the practice. Football players are trained from college to keep a notebook for position and team meetings. Many players keep a trove of old game plans for future study. “That kind of leaks into the rest of your life outside of football — ‘Oh, yeah, I got to write it down,’” Jonathan said.

Commanders backup quarterback Marcus Mariota, a 10-year veteran, started journaling early in his career. He recalled an era when “the mental headspace was kind of taboo,” Mariota said. “It was seen as weak. For guys now to be able to be vulnerable, to do these types of things, it creates a healthier environment in the workplace for us.”

For NFL players, Mariota said, writing provides advantages over talking. Sharing with a teammate may be uncomfortable. Speaking with a friend, a relative or even a therapist outside of the sport would mean talking to someone unacquainted with the esoteric lifestyle of a football player.

“A lot of us, we feel so defined by what we do and football has been part of our identity for so long that it is kind of hard to talk to somebody or relate to somebody that really hasn’t been a part of that space,” Mariota said. “So being able to write those things down, to write out how you feel, to be vulnerable, I do think is important. It allows guys to get in that space where they can separate work and life.”

Bills cornerback Rasul Douglas has always loved to read and write, so journaling comes naturally to him. He started before he reached the NFL.

“Sometimes some people don’t have nobody to go to where they can just tell how their day went,” Douglas said. “It allows me to have a safe space for myself, being able to let my thoughts go and not let them build and me just being in a box. It’s me just expressing myself. Instead of telling somebody, I just write it down.”

No two journals are quite the same. Baltimore Ravens linebacker Kyle Van Noy keeps a compendium on the Notes app in his phone, typing down anything from big questions he is pondering to funny things his kids uttered. It dates from 2015, his second NFL season. Van Noy reads it on airplanes, thumbing back through the years.

“When you’re on flights, you’re closer to heaven,” Van Noy said. “You’re on a different dimension as far as reflecting on life.”

Nick Wass

Van Noy’s notes are wide-ranging. One recent entry was a “corny dad joke” his kids taught him: “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I’m good; how are you?”

Another recent entry is wisdom picked up from a teammate: “Everyone will show you who they are. Just give it time.”

“You can scroll forever on it,” Van Noy said. “I just go back, and whatever hits, hits. I can go back to a month ago and look. I can go back three years ago and look. Or I can go back 10 years.”

Bills tight end Dawson Knox practices daily devotions, and he journals based on the scripture he reads. He uses it as a daily reminder, almost a to-do list.

“During the season, it’s so easy to get pulled in 1,000 different directions,” Knox said. “But I got to remember what’s important. That helps me stay grounded. It helps me be the best person, the best teammate, the best husband I can be. It kind of just keeps my values in check.”

Mariota’s journal has evolved. At first, he wrote down goals. It then became more faith-based, his reflections on scripture he was reading. In 2021, while Mariota played for the Las Vegas Raiders, defensive coordinator Gus Bradley offered a suggestion: Determine your core values, and write them down every day. Mariota now begins every morning by reading scripture, writing about it and then typing his core values into a journal app on his phone.

“We get lost sometimes on a day-to-day basis with our schedules,” Mariota said. “Especially for me to start my day that way, it brings me, ‘This is who you are, who you want to be, what you’re striving for.’”

Ravens linebacker Tavius Robinson does not write in a journal daily, but he looks at one every time he leaves his house. He keeps a notebook on a table by his door, opened to a page where he wrote down his goals for training camp and the season. He has kept the habit since his final year at Mississippi, when he scribbled a single mission: Get drafted.

“It’s just about visualizing that every day,” Robinson said. “It sets my intent for the day.”

Commanders special teams ace Jeremy Reaves has a similar routine. Before the season, he jotted goals and mindsets on a piece of paper: Pro Bowl, all-pro, remove all doubt, earn your way to the field, be a good teammate. He taped the paper to his bathroom mirror so he reads it every morning while brushing his teeth.

“When you see it, it’s like an unconscious thing,” Reaves said. “Your body knows what it’s working towards.”

For Shakir, journaling attacked the specific problem of sleep. He found that once he emptied his thoughts into his phone, his mind quieted and he stopped tossing and turning. Journaling gave him better sleep, and better sleep made him a better player.

“Before you go to bed and you have 1,000 thoughts in your head, your mind’s racing, it’s harder to fall asleep,” Shakir said. “The way I found it, if I put it on paper — everything that I’m thinking, how my day went, what went right, what went wrong, put it all out there — by the time I lay my head on that pillow, it’s all out. I’m not thinking much of anything at all.”

Standing outside the Commanders’ locker room, McLaurin pulled his phone from his pocket and scrolled to find recent entries that had boosted him.

“Oh,” McLaurin said. “Positive affirmations.”

McLaurin explained that, during therapy sessions, he learned he could be extremely hard on himself. He looked at his phone and read aloud the lessons from his journal that he relied on.

What happened in the past does not indicate what’s going to happen in the future.

It’s okay to have grace for myself.

Worrying through life no longer serves me.

I deserve support even when things are hard.

I will make mistakes. But there’s always an opportunity to bounce back.

In moments of stress or anger, McLaurin sometimes scrolls through entries where he wrote what makes him thankful. When he journals, McLaurin prioritizes honestly. He finds that simply expressing his negative thoughts can exorcise them.

“I try not to sugarcoat it,” McLaurin said. “If I’m mad, I write down I’m mad. Sometimes, writing it down and you think about it, I’ve had times where those feelings may pass. Just getting it down on paper and expressing it in a written form allows me to really release that stress or anxiety.”

At this point, McLaurin finds happiness in some of his most tormented entries. When he looks back over them, he realizes how far he has come. What were once struggles now sit on his screen as progress. “I think that’s the number one thing I take away from journaling,” McLaurin said. “It’s almost like a snapshot in time of how you may be feeling.”

McLaurin believes most NFL players are like him, swimming in hundreds of thoughts about the game, their responsibilities, their families. His suggestion to them is to join the many who, like him, find peace in writing them down.

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Adam Kilgore covers national sports for The Washington Post. Previously, he served as The Post's Washington Nationals beat writer from 2010 to 2014.

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How do NFL players put their thoughts to rest? By writing them down.

Hut, hut, write: Why journaling is the NFL’s not-so-secret weapon.